Sunday, July 11, 2010

The Struggle

This is a mixure of posts I have been meaning to post but they all relate...

I come with a heavy heart asking for prayers for the Miriam Center. Specifically for 2 little ones who are sick and struggling. Walensky used to be in For Jonathan’s Sake our outreach Program and he was progressively getting worse and we took him into our Rou’s corner. He went from being able to walk and developing normally to slowly losing mobility to the point he can barely move on his on and now has trouble breathing. He has a sister who is younger who has now started down the same path. We believe they have some kind of genetic disorder but not sure what. Mom love them both so much. Everytime she brought the daughter in for For Jonathan’s Sake she would go see her son and make sure I remember that Walensky was her boy. Walensky took a turn for the worst 2 weeks ago. It is a miracle he is still here. He has been fighting hard and the whole time being loved on by the workers and mission staff. His mother went to visit family in PAP and has been unable to get back. Please pray for Walensky for peace and comfort and for God’s presence to be known as I know God is holding him right now. Pray for the mission staff as they take care of him and for their hearts as they are loving hard and holding him tight but knowing they will soon have to release him into God’s arms.





A few days after getting word about how sick Walensky was I got news that one of my outreach girls Solenjinnie had been brought into the mission with a 105.7 temperature and was not doing well. My heart was still breaking for the fact I was here and Walensky was there but now Solenjinnie to? I had the amazing opportunity to watch Solenjinnie’s mom learn to love her daughter and interact with her on a new level the 5 weeks I was in Haiti working with them. This was her mom’s only daughter and she loved her so much. Thank you for all your prayers for this little girl. She went to be with Jesus last week. Please pray for her mother as she mourns the loss of her only daughter, for her extended family, and for all those who took care of her while she was sick and loved on her. Pray for healing and that God would be at the center or this!



A few days after Solenjinnie passed away I got news that another one of my little boys from For Jonathan’s Sake was brought in with a fever and was very sick. The next day I found out just how sick he was. He had a black tongue, a blister that was covering his top lip, and they had no clue what he had. They said he had been like this for weeks. I know you are not to have favorites but this little boy and his mother were one of my favorites to work with in the outreach program. I watched his mothers eyes light up the first time she got her son to laugh. I watched her learn to interact and play with her son. His mom was one of my favorites to watch her face when I did devotions. To see her eyes light up to the truth of God’s word. My heart is breaking for Paul Frantz’s mother. I pray for comfort and peace for her in this time. I pray for wisdom for the doctors as we sent him to the hospital in La Pointe hoping they may be able to help him because we did not know how to help him at the mission. I pray for comfort and healing for little Paul Frantz body.





At this point I truly don’t know how much more I can take. I keep asking God…”God don’t you remember I was going to go to school to be a NICU nurse and decided to become an OT because I could not stand losing children….I was suppose to be safe in this position…” That is the conversation I had with God the other night…lol I am really struggling with the fact I am here and my children are there….I am struggling with the fact that I have to love them afar and what does that mean when I really want to be there holding them, rocking them, singing Jesus Loves them, and speaking truth to their parents. God’s plans are bigger than mine and his ways better than mine and I am trying to trust. Please pray for me as I am struggling with handing and surrendering everything over to God.

The last few weeks have been a struggle. I felt like a juggler trying to juggle about 10 heavy weights…is that possible…how long could I keep this up? Especially when some of the weights were ones I have never juggled before like moving across the country, preparing for and taking the national board exam, preparing for a job you have no idea what to expect, losing children you love in Haiti. Yesterday was one of those days where everything just seemed too much. You know…one of those days where when I loose my keys sends me to the floor crying…that’s right something so simple set me off. All day long on and off the tears came…I was more emotional than when I am PMSing. Yesterday I remember falling to my knees and telling God its too much! Too much change, Too much hardache, Too many things to get done…Just TOO MUCH!

I sat down last night and opened my Bible and read Psalm 145 and the footnote said
“Soemtimes our burdens seem more than we can bear, we wonder how we can go on. David stands at this bleak intersection on life’s road and points towards the Lord, the great burden bearer. God is able to lift us up because:
1. His greatness is unfathomable
2. He does mighty acts across many generations
3. He is full of glorious splendor and majesty
4. He does wonderful and awesome works
5. He is righteous
6. He is gracious, compassionate, loving, and patient
7. He rules over an everlasting kingdom
8. He is our source of all our daily needs
9. He is righteous and loving in all dealings
10. He remains near to those who call on him
11. He hears our cries and saves us
If your bending under the burden and feel that you are going to fall, turn to God for help. He is ready to lift you up and bear your burdens”

“Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you fill find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11.28-30
Footnote:
A yoke is a heavy wooden harness that fits over the shoulders of an ox or oxen. It is attached to apiece of equipment the oxen pulls…Jesus doesn’t offer a life of luxurious ease- the yoke is still an oxen’s tool for working hard, But it’s a shared yoke, with weight falling on bigger shoulders than yours. Someone with more pulling power is up front helping. Suddenly you are participating in life’s responsibilities with a greater partner.

Then God laid the following song on my heart to go listen too….

Everything Falls- by Fee
You said You’d never leave or forsake me
When You said this life is gonna shake me
You said this world is gonna bring trouble
On my soul, this I know

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You’re the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find You mighty and strong
You keep holding on, You keep holding on

When I see darkness all around me
When I see tragedy has found me
I still believe
Your faithful arms will never let me go
Still I know

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You’re the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find You mighty and strong
You keep holding on, You keep holding on

Sorrow will last for the night
But hope is rising with the sun
It’s rising with the sun
There will be storms in this life
But I know You have overcome
You have overcome

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You’re the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find You mighty and strong
You keep holding on

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You’re the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find You mighty and strong
You keep holding on, You keep holding on
This morning during breakfast I opened the book I have been ready, Living a Mary life in a Martha World the section I read was entitled “When bad things happen”
• We are given a promise “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” Rev. 21:4 Because we live in this world, trapped in the old order of things, tragedy will touch our lives. That’s simply a fact- for Christians and non-christians alike. We will all lose loved ones. We will all eventually die.
• “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?....For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neighter angel or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:35, 28-39
• Trials are real. Bad things happen-to good people and bad people alike. And we who are Christians do not escape life, Paul says. We overcome life “in all these things we are more than conquerers through him who loved us.” Romans 8:37
• This promise anchors our all-too-shaky world to his unshakable kingdom. God’s love is that dependable anchor. The love Christ has for us is one we can cling to, because it will hold us threw anything. Though we may not understand God’s methods or why things are happening that doesn’t change God’s love.

I serve a Big God who is bigger than my pain, bigger than my confusion, bigger than my hurt and sorrow.
I serve the God who holds the world in his hands, is creator of all and who conquered sin and death.
I serve a God who intimate enough to wipe my tears, strong enough to carry my burdens, loving enough to hold me and whisper sweet truths and words of encouragement in my ears.
I serve a God fights for me when I am too weak and tired to fight and prays for me when I don’t know what to pray for
I serve a God who takes my broken, damaged, hurting heart and with great precision stitches it back together with his amazing love needles. Yes, you can still see the scars that are healing but my heart after meeting with my Abba is at least back together.
Will I still have to face all the weights I have been juggling…YES…BUT somehow in this moment they seem a little bit lighter…they seem bearable…Because I have a BIG GOD who is helping me carry them.

Thank you for all your prayers and support as I strive to follow GOd with my whole life!