Saturday, May 14, 2011

El Roi- The God Who Sees

SO...I am still in the place of of of limbo. for months now I have been discerning whether God is calling me to stay here next year and work or if he is calling me somewhere else...time is running out and now the decision is no longer in my hands as now the school district does not know if they have the finances to hire me back. I have no clue where else God is calling me...Truthfully I am scared, I dont' want to leave, I don't want to start over and I have been struggling to the point of being stressed. The past week I lost my fruit...I no longer had patience, I lost my peace was gone...I was saying and doing things I never do...I was stressed to the max! On top of decision with moving...I leave for Haiti in 3 weeks with so much to still prepare. God completely changed my plans a week ago (which I will explain in another blogpost) and everything possible has gone wrong... I was empty, hurting, frustrated, and confused. As hard as I was trying to trust in God...rehearsed verses in my head...was surrounded by people reminding of God's plans and purposes for my life...I was failing.

This evening I came upon a post I had written back in August when I first moved here and it has a poem I wrote. It was perfect for where I was at and I wanted to repost. My prayer tonight was that I could be in the place of Trust I was there and beleive with the depths of my heart that El Roi See's...He sees the path He has for me to walk down and it is a good path that will grow me closer to him and prepare me for the future places He has for me to serve it. I must be willing to step out of my comfort zone Him daily and Go!

Post from August
Since I moved to Nevada I have been missing Haiti more than ever. Probably because so much is going on, so many changes are happening, God is moving in so many BIG ways & my heart aches & longs to be there. Maybe because I took this job so that I can serve in Haiti in the summers & that is a huge motivator as everything in my life is changing. This move has challenged me to go to a new level of TRUST in my BIG GOD. I don’t know anyone out here, I am in a new town, new job, first job out of college, so much is expected & frankly at times I feel so inadequate. I can’t help but ask Why me God? I have taken a lot of time to think back on my past & I stand in Awe at the ways God has moved to form me into the person I am today. I could go on & on and list pages of situations that have happened (good & bad) that occurred to prepare me to be where I am today & be ready to keep fighting & traveling along this journey God is taking me on. God has blessed me time & time again in my past & He is blessing me so abundantly here in Nevada. During a hike last weekend as I sat on a Big rock overlooking Lake Tahoe from on top of a mountain I had just climbed, I finally took the time to stop & tune into God. God laid upon my heart this poem. It was such a sweet reminder of how God has perfect plans for each of us, He cares deeply about each of us, He loves us each so deeply, and He is so excited to take us on a journey of a lifetime that ends in His sweet precious arms. I challenge you to look back over your past, to see God’s handiwork in your life. His hand is there…even when we push Him away…He never leaves us, never stops pursuing us, never stops loving us. We are his precious children.

What God Sees

In June 1987 God breathed life into a little girl.

In that moment when the world saw a cute, fragile, precious baby…

God saw into the future and saw the women of God she would become.

In elementary school when she was the shyest person in her class and got homesick when she was away from home…

God saw into the future and saw the her being bold & courageous for Him while crossing seas to share the gospel and His love.

When she was in middle school and confused about who she was & not the best in school

God saw into the future when she would be full of God-confidence & graduate grad school with a degree she could use to serve the Lord with.

When she was 12 and went on her first mission trip

God saw into the future and saw the missionary she would become.

As she was growing up & she found her talent to be loving on children & she was always being told when you grow up you should work with children

God saw into the future & saw her working with all kinds of children in the united states & overseas.

When that little girl would get easily upset & her heart would break

God smiled and looked into the future & saw a women who had a compassionate heart that broke at the site of injustice & that drove her to fight for the poor, needy, & forgotten.

And now as her heart aches & longs to be in Haiti, serving as a missionary, using her skills/degree to work with disabled children sharing God’s love to the poor, needy, & forgotten.

She is trusting in God’s perfect timing & believes there is more preparation to take place before she is ready to go.

I wonder what God sees as He looks into her future?

Have you ever taken time to ask God what He sees when He looks back over your life? Don't be too hard on yourself remember we serve a God of compassion, love, forgiveness, mercy, & grace. He was willing to send His one & only son to die for us so that we might be His precious child. He wants an intimate relationship with you more than anything.

I don’t know what my future holds…but I know the one who does & I can face tomorrow because I know He lives & He is Mighty & He is faithful. I just got done reading the book of Genesis & reading about the journey of God’s people. They had to wait on His timing…time & time again BUT He always fulfilled His promises & ALWAYS journeyed with them. He blessed them even when other plotted harm against them. I was reminded that God works everything for His glory & His good. EVERYTHING. What others plan as harm against us God turns for His good. BUT God as I learned from Genesis PATIENCE is key, TRUST is essential, and FAITH is required. I am learning these 3 things. I am excited to see how God is going to use me now & how He is going to continue to mold me & shape me into the vessel He needs me to be, to go on the next leg of my journey. May I be a willing vessel, open to learn, open to be molded, and open to GO WHEREVER He calls me. Thank you for all your prayers & support. Please continue to keep me in your prayers as I am being stretched in ways I never dreamed but growing at the same time.