Finding Peace In The Midst of So Much Death & Tragedy!

The past month I have had to face dealing with death more than ever before. Within a 3 week period I have been faced with the fact that 10 friends and family members went to be with the Lord. 2 that were extremely close to my heart…

-Do I know they are in a better place? YES…

-Do I know they are worshiping the God of the universe, free from pain, free from suffering, free from this corrupt world? YES

- Is there a selfish side of me that is still struggling with all this? YES

- Is there a part of me that is still breaking over what is happening in Haiti with the Cholera and the fact that these people are still suffering from the earthquake that happened almost a year ago and the hurricane that happened a few weeks ago? YES

-Is there a part of me that is breaking for the children and people of America who have never had a chance to succeed, never felt loved, gone hungry, live in broken families, have been abused physically/sexually, who have never laughed, never felt peace...? YES

These past few weeks I have felt sorrow like I have never felt sorrow before, I have wept for society and what our world has come to. I have been forced to ask God many questions including WHY? I have longed to be at home in PA…I have longed to be at home in Haiti BUT I have also seen God reveal himself to me in Mighty ways, I have felt God’s arms wrap around me, I have see God give me peace that surpasses understanding and strength I did not think I had within me. I just want to share a few things God has been teaching me and ways he has revealed himself to me.

3 weeks ago I lost 2 relatives in 1 week. My mom’s aunt and my uncle Don. My uncle Don passed away from a heart attack that took his life before he even made it to the hospital. A complete shock to all. Just the weekend before he was up at camp with the rest of my family (what they do every weekend) joking around, hanging out with the 3 amigos/stooges (my dad and my other uncle Walt). 3 days later he is gone…I struggled with this…It was a reminder of how short life is…only God knows the day of our last breath. Am I living everyday as if it were my last? I really struggled with the fact I could not go home, that I could not go to the funeral, that I could not have a mom/dad hug…It was just a really tough week. After 4 days of pain, frustration, sorrow, regret, etc. God gave me peace that surpassed all understanding that I just woke up with on Sunday morning. I was driving to church (which is 45 minutes from my apartment) and up in the sky I see the biggest, brightest rainbow stretching from 1 mountain range to the other. I just knew it was a gift from God.



This past week was also a very tough week. On Sunday I found out that one of the little boys Daniel (5) in the Prince of Peace Deaf School had passed away from Cholera. It really hit me hard because it was the first death related to the Cholera outbreak in Haiti that hit close to home. I don’t know why I thought everyone in my life would be free from this epidemic…My heart breaks because this is a disease that has a simple remedy of clean water, sugar, salt BUT is not easy at all in this country where there is a lack of access to medical care and supplies…where parents have to walk hours to get help and with cholera you could be dead in hours… I was angry that this country kept getting hit with 1 tragedy after another…my heart ached that death has become a norm in Haiti…that children dying is the norm, that malnourishment is the norm, that hopelessness is the norm. The God of hope is knocking at the door of so many hearts in Haiti. My prayer on Sunday was that God would be glorified in the midst of this cholera outbreak…that people would come to him, that those who know him would not be tempted to turn away even after the loss of a child or family member. I woke up Monday morning with peace that God is in control. That God has a perfect plan…that God sees the future. I was reminded of the feelings I had after the earthquake and now 8 months I can look back and see the good that came from the earthquake.

I know that the first voice Daniel heard was God’s…I know the first music he heard was the choirs of heaven singing praises to their Lord. I know Daniel will never be hungry again, never feel pain, never cry alone, never be scared, never be looked down upon or rejected for his disability.

Monday night I watched a movie entitled Fighting the odds…A movie about an epidemic in America. The epidemic of the number of children who have parents in prison and how man of them follow in their footsteps. It opened my eyes to what a sheltered life I have lived. I am thankful for the life God has given me, I have been blessed beyond measure. I have never been beaten, never been sexually assaulted, never gone to be hungry, never had to worry about being safe if I went to sleep, never had parents in prison, never been involved in gangs or drugs…but the truth is…this is not true for the majority of the children in America. The movie was based on a true story and a women who was a parole officer who was paroling 2nd generation families. She knew something needed to change and started a program in a high school where 50% of the population had a family member in prison. 1 period a day they would go to this class on their own choice…it was amazing to see the changes in these teens lives. (If you want to watch the movie it is on hulu.com for free). Though the movie had a wonderful ending and since 2001 when the program started more than 200 kids have been helped…my heart was aching for these children and the children of America. Earlier that day I had sang the song “Give me your eyes” By Brandon Heath and God definitely had opened my eyes more…but what can I do to help these kids….

Lyrics
Look down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile highBest seat in the house tonight
Touch down on the cold black top Hold on for the sudden stop
Breath in the familiar shockOf confusion and chaos
All those people going somewhere Why have I never cared
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me you heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see
Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah
Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide what’s underneath
There's a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
He's out of work, He's buying time
I’ve been here a million times A couple of million eyes
Just move and pass me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
I need a second glance
Give me a second chance
To see the way you’ve seen the people all along

Wednesday, afternoon I got word that 6 more of my friends had died from the cholera outbreak in 1 day. 5 from the Gran Moun and 1 baby from the baby orphanage and 2 more babies were really sick. As I read the email I could feel my heart breaking…I didn’t know what to do, what to think, and all I felt myself doing was questioning God…WHY!?! I had to stop myself…I had to remind myself that he is a good God, that he a plan, that he sees the big picture. I forced myself to go to Bible study because I knew I needed to take my mind off of the situation and stick it on God and focus on him and worship him. I cried threw most of worship and on the way home in the car. My heart was just breaking for Haiti…It was pitch black out and as I was almost home I saw a big white cloud (the only cloud in the sky) and it was shaped like a heart. In that moment I felt God tell me I am holding your breaking heart together and I love you! Just moments later the song Held by Natalie Grant came on the Radio the one line that really stuck out was… “This is what it is to be loved and to know, That the promise was that when everything fell…We'd be held”

Held By: Natalie Grant
Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling
Who told us we'd be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
Were asking why this happens to us
Who have died to live, it's unfair
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be heldThis hand is bitterness
We want to taste it andLet the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held
If hope if born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our savior
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you surviveThis is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was that when everything fell
We'd be held
Later that evening I heard the song Hold us Together by Matt Maher which says It's waiting for you, Knockin' at your door! Every moment of truth, When your heart hits the floor. When you're on your knees then... Love, will, hold us together, Make us a shelter to weather the storm. And I'll, be, my brothers keeper, So the whole world will know That we're not alone. After much prayer that night I woke up Thursday with a peace. The day went well…of course Haiti was on my mind and in my prayers all day but I had peace…until…

I got word Thursday evening of the names of the 6 friends that had passed away on Wednesday from the Cholera. I found out the 5 Gran Moun were Seno Semelise, Kubonn Jacques-Cius, Anaise Louis, Cledanord Petit-Frere, and Madam Monfort Mesidor and the baby was Isaiah Joseph, 2. My heart dropped as I read the last name Isaiah. He was the baby I was closest to. Isaiah was born 3 months premature. It was a miracle that he was alive. That summer everyday I would lay down with Isaiah on my bed and take a nap (well he napped sometimes I just listened to my MP3 player). I held Isaiah while I ate, he went down to the Gran Moun with me. That summer I had Isaiah most afternoons and evening. I remember praying over this boy, praying for God to use him in mighty ways. Praying God would help him grow up to be strong physically and to rely on God and draw his strength from God. To hear that Cholera had taken my precious boys life just ripped at my heart. I lost it all over again. Later that evening I was IM’ing my friend Beth a missionary in Haiti who had also been very close to Isaiah. She told me something another missionary had told her earlier that day. She said picture the 5 Gran Moun waiting in heaven for Isaiah…picking him up and carrying him to Jesus. This put a big smile on my face. That precious boy is sitting on his daddy’s lap…this little boy never had a daddy before. I know he is smiling and laughing up in heaven. I also picture my 5 amazing gran moun in heaven dancing there way into Jesus’ presence singing praises the whole way J. God is GOOD and ALL THE TIME God is GOOD. Not just when things are going good…not just when I am happy and full of joy…BUT ALL THE TIME!







This morning I heard the song What a Friend We Have in Jesus… The words to this song hold such truth. I definitely beared needless pain because I refused to carry it Jesus right away and let him have it. But I also felt in a deeper way what a friend I have in Jesus and what peace he has for me…He wants us to carry everything to him and He wants to be our refuge!

What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.
Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge;
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In his arms he'll take and shield thee;
thou wilt find a solace there.

I also read a devotion by Beth Moore which fit my circumstances perfectly…
"Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7, HCSB)

We live in times of great strife and unrest—from the war on terrorism at home and abroad, crime and dissension in our communities, to family traumas in our own homes. Every person has their share of concerns. Peace is the yearning of the heart—a dream unfulfilled. Yet, according to the Bible, peace is possible even in the midst of troubles.

Jesus said in John 14:27, "Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. . . . Your heart must not be troubled or fearful." Jesus did not promise an untroubled life. He said, "In the world you have suffering. Be Courageous! I have conquered the world" (John 16:33). This peace of which Jesus promises is God's gift to His children. It fulfills the yearning in our hearts.

I do not believe it was a coincidence that this whole week my Beth Moore study has been on Peace…

This evening I just sat down to read the end of day 4…It was on the story of Raising Lazarus from the dead John 11…In this story alone there are several truths about peace
1.Christ purposely timed His absence from Lazarus during his critical illness. Consistently throughout God’s word, illness and infermity arise as opportunities for God’s work. Check out John 9:1-3. Why was the man born blind?
2.Christ had glory in mind when He tarried so long before responding to Mary and Martha, too. Christ waited 4 days before He returned…long enough to accomplish at least 2 goals
A.)a prevalent belief existed at that time that the spirit remained close to the body for 3 days after death. By waiting past that point, Jesus left them void of other explanations
B.)He waited until a crowd gathered at Mary’s home so that many would “put their faith in him.” Christ was peaceful in the wait. He waited thousands of years to become flesh and dwell among us. He waited 30 years to begin his ministry. He waited until Lazarus was cold and decaying before He raised Him from the dead. And we must learn to wait as He does. What profit is there in the wait…God actos on behalf of those who wait on him (Isa.64:4)
3. Christ experienced peace in the midst of tears. Why did Christ Jesus Cry? Because He saw the tears of His loved ones (vs.33-35). He “demonstrated His own love” with tears of anguish, yet all the while His peace remained. Please understand this vital point of peace: peace means the absence of fear and turmoil, not the absence of pain and grief. It greatly concerns me when I fail to see those who have lost loved ones shed tears in the name of “peace” Christ, Himself grieved over the separation of loved ones as shown here in John 11, in the garden of Gestnemane, and finally on the cross as He saw his mother’s pain and suffered the separation from His Heavenly Father. We can be filled with sadness and still possess a wonderful sense of God’s peace. Perhaps it is at that moment beyond all others when the peace of God transcends all understanding. God is not a proponent of emotional annihilation. But He gives us specific instructions about our emotions. “Trust in God at all times, O people; pout out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.” Psalm 62:8.
4. Our Goal is not the absence of sorrow in our grieving, but rather that we refuse to grieve “as one who has no hope” (1 Thess. 4:13). Perhaps right now you are walking through a time when the obvious actions of Christ in your behalf seem inconsistent with His professed love for you. Oh, Beloved, can you see today that it is quite consistent with our Savior:
-Go for the greater glory?
-Have us be void of all other explanation?
-wait until many surround us who may put their faith in Him?

CHRIST HAD PERFECT PEACE IN THE TEARS


The Verse of the day on K-Love:

"Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 1 cor 13:7

I want to end asking for continued prayer for Haiti…For those infected with cholera, those working the clinics, the families of those who lost loved ones, and that God would be glorified in the midst of such tragedy/loss…for those still living in tents…for those without food and clean water….for those who don’t know God and/or are worshiping false god’s…for those who are hopeless…

Please also pray for my heart…for me to rely on God…That even when I don’t understand that I could trust and hope in the Lord…that I could to continue to be open to His word and His will for my life…that my eyes would continue to opened to what He sees and the needs of those around me…that I would accept his peace!

Thank you for your Prayers and Support!

URGENT PRAYER REQUEST HAITI!

As many of you are aware there is a Cholera outbreak in Haiti and over 900 have lost their lives in Haiti to date. NWHCM the mission I work with has 3 clinics set up in the Northwest part of Haiti. Even with all the efforts people are losing the battle. Earlier this week we lost one of hte deaf children to cholera. It really hit me hard when it hit so close to my heart. Sunday afternoon I went for a walk and talked it out with God. I was reminded that the first voice Daniel ever heard was God's and the first music he heard was the chiors in heaven. I know Danieal is in Heaven dancing with the Lord...that eases the mpain some but my heart is just breaking and aching for my brothers and sisters in Haiti. They have been threw so much. I just read the following posted in one of the missionary blogs. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be praying for the Haitians, for the mission staff, for those sick, for the families who lost loved ones. For wisdom and guidance for the nurses and doctors working around the clock. Pray that the needed supplies will arraive and for peace over all involved.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010 — NWHCM staff are reporting that five people have died of cholera-like symptoms in the mission’s gran moun home, a residential care program for seniors in Saint-Louis du Nord. In addition, one baby in NWHCM’s baby orphanage has died and two more are sick and under quarantine.

At this time, NWHCM is personally contacting any sponsors of people in its programs who have died. Staff are working to investigate the possible causes of infection in its programs. Meanwhile, program staff are using water filtration systems and continuing to boil all drinking water as a precaution, as they have been since NWHCM first opened its cholera treatment centers. NWHCM is also continuing mission-wide cholera prevention education and hand-washing campaigns that have been underway since before cholera was detected in the Northwest Department.

NWHCM will continue to post updates as they become available. This has been an emotional and difficult time for NWHCM staff both in Haiti and the United States. Please continue to pray for them and for the people of Haiti as they battle this ongoing epidemic. -Andy Olsen, NWHCM media director

Thank you for all your prayers!

Open Hands - Haiti 2010 (version 2)

The group that is at our mission now helping with the Cholera outbreak...this is one of their videos from their work right after the earthquake. What a beautiful video :) God makes us new and makes beautiful things out of dust and dark!

Haiti cholera clinic faith 3

Haiti - cholera clinic faith 1

Mission Staff caring for victims of Cholera outbreak and praising God in the midst of the storm :) what a BIG GOD we serve!

Haiti cholera clinic faith 2

This is the mission staff singing to the patients at the cholera clinic. :)

Sydspeak Thank you!.from Miriam Center wmv

The kids learning to use the sydspeak this past summer :)

Thank you Sydspeak

Sydspeak has been an amazing company that donated 2 communication boards last summer. Since then they have created a new revised versoin & just sent me 3 new ones to take into Haiti. I am really excited to have 2 whole months this summer to work with the children & teach them how to use this device to increase their ability to communicate. I have so00000 many ideas floating around in my head and am just sooooooooooooooooo excited. This is a thank you video I made to sydspeak! I will also post a video of the kids using the device from last year

Thank you Sydspeak!

The kids putting the devices to use this past summer

PRAYER REQUEST

This is from an email I received from Courtney this morning.

So I come with a heavy heart but the understanding of where God is in this. He is BIG. There is a Cholera outbreak in the North zone of Haiti- last 2 days 135 dead and thousand or so infected. Pray for ALL involved. Pray for healing.Pray for comfort. My heart is wrapped around the disability population and there already incredibly weak immune systems. Pray for protection. BIG God.

PLEASE PRAY! Haiti has been threw so much already this year...Pray that Christ would be seen and glorified in the midst of this. I know that God can use anything for his glory and that nothing is impossible with GOd!

For jonathan's Sake, Miriam Center, Haiti DVD.wmv

Miriam Center Vision Tour

aHomeInHaiti.org - Rebuilding Haiti One Home at a Time

LIVE Design Group_the Miriam Center.mov

Rest In Peace with your King

I know I am posting alot of other peoples words and stories but since I am not there first hand I want you to see and hear the amazing stoies of serving our King. The following one is written by Ariana Lee who spent half the summer in Haiti. She got there right after I left so I did not get to meet her face to face but I really got to see her amazing heart threw facebook and her blog :) Last night was a rough night. I got news that Walensky went to be with His maker. If you look a few posts before you will where I wrote about him being so sick. He is one of my For Jonathan Sake kids. He had some type of degenerative disease and has a sister who has the same one. How hard for a mother to lose a child and knowing that her other child is on the same path. Please pray for this family. Pray for God's presence and peace and love to surrond them. The following is a blogpost Ariana wrote....It is Just Beautiful! Thank you Ari for shairng your heart and the truth of where Walensky is. Thank you for loving on him when I couldn't and for carrying Him to the king!

Today, I was met with a difficult, but blessing of a truth: Walensky is Home!
It was probably a week or more ago, Walensky left the arms of his mommy to be with his Jesus.
It hit me a little bit harder than I expected it to. And, oh, how my heart longed to be there again! Simply stated, though, part of my heart will always long to be in that home. For today, I am learning to be content where I am and with where he was.
Walensky was with his mommy.
And I’m battling pieces of my own belonging and of my abilities, or lack there of. But my heart, though aching, is at peace. This is so much bigger than me! This little boy just got to meet his King, his Perfector, his Creator, his Lover… his God!
He isn’t hurting. He can BREATHE. He can move. He is whole and safe. He is Home. He is God’s.

This is the blog I wrote on June 29… What a fighter!

Today, we went to the hospital.
We took in Walensky, a little boy from Rou’s Corner.
I’ll introduce you to him:
His eyes are dark and deep, as deep as the ocean. Within them, there’s an untold story and incredible amount of pain. But soon, they’ll see an amazing glory.
His ears are merely there, nothing spectacular. They won’t be spectacular until they hear the chorus surrounding the Throne.
His limbs are thin and of no use to him. He won’t use them until he is on his knees before the King.
His feet, at the end of his legs are pointed. It’s as if they know they are destined for a place greater than this one. They know they’ll carry him on streets more gentle than ours.
His heart beats. Only until it’s time for him to be Home.
His chest rises. His chest falls. Only once more.

We’re okay. The four of us? Yeah, we’re okay. I can’t account for Courtney and Michelle’s. Only Walensky’s and my own.
I’m okay. It’s a merciful place to be. We got to love him. We cared for him. We never left him alone. And when he left us, he found mercy. His mercy is in the arms of the King. In the Good. In the painless breath, the easy beat.
He’s okay. He’s standing in the Courts of the King. In the presence of the One that is Good. He’s living painlessly, dancing wholly.

Rest, my child. Rest easily. I’ll see you soon.

…
One last goodnight, Walensky.
I love you.
I thank God for you.

GOD IS MOVING

The following is a post from my good friend Melonnie who has been called to the prison ministry at NWHCM and just a few months ago called to start a Brothel ministry. I know I have posted about the amazing work that God has been doing threw her but this blog post just brought chills to me as it testifies to the BIG GOD who is moving in BIG WAYS in Haiti right now. It was not until the earthquake that Melonnie was weven able to get into the Big prison in Pout a Pey and that was 1 day a week and the guards only allowed her. To now hundreds have accepted Christ, the guards have become Christian, the inmates have been baptised, clean water and food are provided, basketball hoop, sewing program, education....Only God could orchestrate all this. Please pray for the prison ministry and the Brothel and for Melonnie as she pours out her life as a sacrafice everyday!

was so excited to get to go to Port de Paix today. I’ve been in the states for the last three weeks with my family and was really looking forward to seeing everyone. Through emails and phone calls I was able to keep up (mostly!) with what was happening at the prison and brothel while I was gone.

Ivenor went to the prison every week and Jessica was able to go a couple of times too. Dennis and Lori still went and did clinic so it was business as usual. I missed them all like crazy and couldn’t wait to get back. The sewing classes started while I was gone… Ivenor delivered the new treadle machines and the ladies had all kinds of little skirts and things to show me. It was so sweet! They were so proud of what they had learned so far and I was SO happy for them. They were thrilled when we brought all of the fabric and other sewing supplies from TCC. They will hopefully have enough to keep busy for a while!

A great big surprise was that the hallway in between all of the cells had been scrubbed clean and painted. It looked and smelled SO much better! They were also using the big blue barrels we brought them to hold water for each cell. The men can reach into the barrel and fill their own personal containers. They used the buckets of white paint we had bought them right before we left… it was neater and cleaner than I had ever seen it! It was a wonderful surprise and I made sure to thank the guards and tell them how amazing it looked.

Three of the prisoners accepted Christ today. It was very cool. For our devotion today, I shared a letter from a father who’s son had been murdered. He was writing to one of the men on death row that had been convicted of murdering his son offering forgiveness and the opportunity to adopt the man as his child. You have probably guessed that the Father was God and the Son was Jesus. It was pretty powerful. It was the perfect opportunity for these three men to confess their sins and accept God’s offer of forgiveness. Love it!

Ivenor and I met with one of the guards afterwards and I have some pretty amazing updates. The UN has agreed to help with the water tanks we had been talking about so that the prisoners can have plenty of clean water. This is a HUGE deal. They have asked that we try to help build a small enclosure to protect the new tanks that are coming. I’m not sure how much this will cost yet but will try to get numbers together for anyone who is interested in contributing. I’m hoping that hubby can oversee this project while he’s here (hint, hint).

Even better than that…. we are going to be starting classes for the boys that are in the prison. Right now there are eleven underage boys all in a cell together. The guards have agreed to let them continue their studies and take the government tests. Not only that… but the teachers will also offer classes to any of the other prisoners that do not know how to read or write. Unbelievable! They have already been trying to teach each other but this is an awesome opportunity for them to really learn and better themselves. I need to build benches for the classes, buy a chalkboard and enough notebooks and pencils for all of the prisoners. Notebooks will be an ongoing need so feel free to start collecting! ;)

Moving onto the brothel… this is the big news. ALL of the girls that were there when I left are gone. They all packed up and left in the middle of the night a few days after I left. I am so excited for new beginnings for them! I pray that the work we had been doing and God’s Word we had been studying sunk in and they have truly left this business for good. I have to admit (selfishly!) that I am pretty sad about not getting to see them again. Those girls truly became my friends and I love them more than I can tell you. Please pray for them as they try to start fresh somewhere new.

Ivenor had called me and Jessica had emailed me so this wasn’t a surprise… but it’s still an odd development. The girls that Papa Yo replaced them with are all from the Dominican… meaning they all speak Spanish! Lol…. great! I can barely speak CREOLE and now we are throwing something new into the mix?!? Today was hysterical! We were trying to just get to know each other… I would speak in English, Ivenor would translate into Creole and one of the girls (who sort of knows Creole!) would translate into Spanish for the others. It was really pretty funny but it worked.

They all seem really nice and are VERY excited about this Bible study. None of them have ever done one before or have been part of a “small group” so they are really looking forward to it. They all have a basic understanding of the Bible so I just need to get copies in Spanish for them and I think we will jump right into Romans. Hubby is hoping to come down in a couple of weeks so I am hoping he can find some for me and bring them.

God certainly has a way of keeping me on my toes and always reaching for more than I have to give. I love it and am so grateful for that push. Coming back into Haiti was especially difficult this time. It gets harder and harder each time I say goodbye to my family. I thank God for giving me this new challenge and reminding me why He has me here to begin with.

Miracles Happen

The following is a peice from my missionary friends Matt and Stacey Ayers blog who work with OMS in Cap Haitia at the Seminary. They are amazing Godly people with a heart for the gospel especially to share it with there brothers and sisters in Haiti. I have a link to their blog over on the right hand side. This is a HUGE MIRACLE AND JUST A REMINDER OF HOW BIG OF A GOD WE SERVE!

BUT, the most exciting thing to report is a miraculous (aren't they all!) conversion! There is (well, there was) a witch doctor living in Vaudreil (where the main OMS Haiti compound is) named Innocent. Over the past years, the Lord has put Innocent on the hearts of many, and countless foreign and national Christians have met with him, prayed with and for him, and given him countless opportunities to accept Christ.


While he is always open to discussion, and even asks for prayer, ect., he has never been willing to accept, losing to his greatest slave, money. "If I didn't do this, what will I do for money? How will I take care of my family?"


Last Tuesday, Lucner and Jerry went to see him again, picking him up at a local bar and shared with him salvation once again.


"I know that it is a simple decision," Innocent said, "It is simple. But it is BIG. I can't do that."


They left a little discouraged that once again, Innocent had been so open, but so unwilling.


However, on Friday, Jerry got a call from Innocent, saying that he needed to see him. Matt and Jerry drove back to Vaudreil, hopeful, but not confident that he wasn't just needing money or wanting to debate.


When they arrived, they found Innocent a different man. "I cannot stop thinking about everything you keep telling me, and I'm ready. I'm ready."


"What will I do for money?" he asked them. "How can you help me?"


"I leave tomorrow," Jerry told him. "I can't do anything to help you. But God WILL provide for you. Do you want to trust him to?"


"I'm ready."


Matt and Jerry led him to the Lord right there, and when it was time to leave, Innocent made them a promise.


"Come back tomorrow, and I promise that all of this stuff will be gone," Innocent said, nodding to the talismans, trinkets and ceremonial items in his temple. "I'm done. I have a new life."


The next morning they stopped at his place on their way to the airport to drop off a few books the Seminary has helped translate on the foundations and beliefs of Christianity.


"I slept WELL," Innocent said, showing them his empty temple. "I have peace. I don't know what I'm going to do. But I have peace."


THIS IS EXCITING STUFF! It is the FIRST time since we've been here that we have seen a witch doctor convert, with so many being unwilling to give up the "business" for possible poverty. For YEARS different visitors, missionaries and national friends have asked for prayer for Innocent, and last week, all these prayers came true.


No one, not even God himself, could MAKE Innocent leave a life of serving Satan. NO one could convince him to follow Christ. The God of the Universe can't MAKE us love him. We have to choose to. Simple. But BIG. Because it's not just a choice like what to have for lunch. It is a choice that changes EVERYTHING.


Innocent's choice on Friday changes EVERYTHING. HOW exciting is that! "Changes Everything" is exactly what Innocent, me, Haiti, needs.


Jesus, who had NO sin, took on sin so that we, who had NOTHING holy, could be, and therefore be in relationship with a holy God. Changes EVERYTHING.


Praise the Lord! Please be praying for Innocent as a new Christian making a giant leap of faith.


Does it seem like there are a ridiculous amount of miracles taking place lately? Yay! It is just AWESOME to be a reporter for the Divine Events Coordinator.

TWITChange Video from Eva Longoria

This is the current fundraisor going on for the new Miriam Center in we broke ground for in July. This is all because we serve a BIG GOD



All proceeds from the TwitChange celebrity auction will provide aHomeInHaiti.org the means to finish rebuilding the Miriam Center. The Miriam Center houses, educates and loves on Haitian children with cerebral palsy, severe autism, and other major life challenges and is one of the only facilities of its kind in Haiti. The current facility houses children in the earthquakeʼs aftermath and is extremely overcrowed. These kids need and deserve a permanent home.

aHomeInHaiti.org has provided over $1.5 million in tents to homeless Haitians since the earthquake. They have created a movement of tens of thousands of people across the globe to provide more tents than nearly any established organization or government in the world - all through the power of Social Media.

Now, in the first project of Phase 2, we look to break more records! We know that together with YOU, the Miriam Center, the largest and best center of its kind in Haiti will be built!

You can visit there website at http://www.twitchange.com/

ALSO Check out this CNN interview with the pastor from Florida leading up the fundraisor. He has a BIG heart for Haiti and especially my kids :)

http://www.cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/world/2010/09/15/nr.shaun.king.mission.possible.cnn.html

Feeling Unqualified

The past few weeks learning my new job has not been easy in the least bit. There have been many times I have pushed waaaaaaaaay to far out of my comfort zone...I have felt unworthy/unqualified...and 1 or 2 questioned God a little bit. BUT WHY? Why would I doubt the God who answered my prayer to show me where He wanted me, who opened every door to lead me to this job, who has helped me along every step of the way during the journey. This journey has brought me closer to God than I have ever been. It has forced me to rely on Him more than ever to make it threw every minute of my day. Everything is new, everything is harder than before but God has given me strength when I needed it, wisdom when I needed it, Confidence that could only come from him, a peace that surpasses all understanding....and the list could go on and on.

Tonight was one of those nights that I was just empty. I had given my all today, been challenged, I was brain dead...tired...and just wanted to curl up in bed BUT I didn't I went to Bible Study & had an amazing time of worship and got to dig into God's word in Nahum & was reminded of the character of the AMAZING God I serve. After the service the women I work with that invited me to this church spoke words of encouragement to me reminding me that what other people at work who are advising me don't realize is that God called me to this job! SOOO TRUE! (thanks Lila). I then came home and read a blog post from my dear sister in Christ in Haiti who put into words exactly what I was feeling (thanks Beth!). I could not say it better myself so I am going to post it below

“Not that we are in any way confident of doing anything by our own resources-our ability comes from God.” 2 Cor. 3:5 (phillips translation)

“As we yield our lives to Him we discover He exchanges our self-sufficiency for His all-sufficiency. He makes us the person He wants us to be and prepares us for the task He has for us to do.” stamm

Today I was reminded that I can only rely and be confident in the one who created me…who knitted me together in my mother’s womb, who knows the number of my days and who equipps me for everything He desires me to do. I am not always confident that I can complete a task or finish the race as strong as I think I should. I don’t always feel I have the right to do what I am doing. I don’t always believe others think I should be doing what I am doing or have the credentials or diploma to do what I am doing. In essence I feel a lot like Caleb. “He didn’t follow what others thought he should do Caleb longed to see God work in power and he knew he would be less likely to rely on God if he dwelt in the easy places.” (swindoll?) Caleb didn’t ask questions like ” what do the experts say” or “what do my friends say?” He was seeking more of the question, “what would God say?” God called him a man with a different spirit and he followed him wholeheartily (Numbers 14: 24) I want to be more like Caleb. I don’t want to always think to myself ” what will others say?” or “what do others think?” or do as I did today and believe I am not qualified. God reminded me today that he doesn’t call the qualified, but qualifies the called. I desire to seek the mountains so that I can witness God doing things through my life that can only be explained by His mighty power. I desire to see Him glorified.

What God Sees

Since I moved to Nevada I have been missing Haiti more than ever. Probably because so much is going on, so many changes are happening, God is moving in so many BIG ways & my heart aches & longs to be there. Maybe because I took this job so that I can serve in Haiti in the summers & that is a huge motivator as everything in my life is changing. This move has challenged me to go to a new level of TRUST in my BIG GOD. I don’t know anyone out here, I am in a new town, new job, first job out of college, so much is expected & frankly at times I feel so inadequate. I can’t help but ask Why me God? I have taken a lot of time to think back on my past & I stand in Awe at the ways God has moved to form me into the person I am today. I could go on & on and list pages of situations that have happened (good & bad) that occurred to prepare me to be where I am today & be ready to keep fighting & traveling along this journey God is taking me on. God has blessed me time & time again in my past & He is blessing me so abundantly here in Nevada. During a hike last weekend as I sat on a Big rock overlooking Lake Tahoe from on top of a mountain I had just climbed, I finally took the time to stop & tune into God. God laid upon my heart this poem. It was such a sweet reminder of how God has perfect plans for each of us, He cares deeply about each of us, He loves us each so deeply, and He is so excited to take us on a journey of a lifetime that ends in His sweet precious arms. I challenge you to look back over your past, to see God’s handiwork in your life. His hand is there…even when we push Him away…He never leaves us, never stops pursuing us, never stops loving us. We are his precious children.



What God Sees

In June 1987 God breathed life into a little girl.

In that moment when the world saw a cute, fragile, precious baby…

God saw into the future and saw the women of God she would become.

In elementary school when she was the shyest person in her class and got homesick when she was away from home…

God saw into the future and saw the her being bold & courageous for Him while crossing seas to share the gospel and His love.

When she was in middle school and confused about who she was & not the best in school

God saw into the future when she would be full of God-confidence & graduate grad school with a degree she could use to serve the Lord with.

When she was 12 and went on her first mission trip

God saw into the future and saw the missionary she would become.

As she was growing up & she found her talent to be loving on children & she was always being told when you grow up you should work with children

God saw into the future & saw her working with all kinds of children in the united states & overseas.

When that little girl would get easily upset & her heart would break

God smiled and looked into the future & saw a women who had a compassionate heart that broke at the site of injustice & that drove her to fight for the poor, needy, & forgotten.

And now as her heart aches & longs to be in Haiti, serving as a missionary, using her skills/degree to work with disabled children sharing God’s love to the poor, needy, & forgotten.

She is trusting in God’s perfect timing & believes there is more preparation to take place before she is ready to go.

I wonder what God sees as He looks into her future?



Have you ever taken time to ask God what He sees when He looks back over your life? Don't be too hard on yourself remember we serve a God of compassion, love, forgiveness, mercy, & grace. He was willing to send His one & only son to die for us so that we might be His precious child. He wants an intimate relationship with you more than anything.



I don’t know what my future holds…but I know the one who does & I can face tomorrow because I know He lives & He is Mighty & He is faithful. I just got done reading the book of Genesis & reading about the journey of God’s people. They had to wait on His timing…time & time again BUT He always fulfilled His promises & ALWAYS journeyed with them. He blessed them even when other plotted harm against them. I was reminded that God works everything for His glory & His good. EVERYTHING. What others plan as harm against us God turns for His good. BUT God as I learned from Genesis PATIENCE is key, TRUST is essential, and FAITH is required. I am learning these 3 things. I am excited to see how God is going to use me now & how He is going to continue to mold me & shape me into the vessel He needs me to be, to go on the next leg of my journey. May I be a willing vessel, open to learn, open to be molded, and open to GO WHEREVER He calls me. Thank you for all your prayers & support. Please continue to keep me in your prayers as I am being stretched in ways I never dreamed but growing at the same time.

The Struggle

This is a mixure of posts I have been meaning to post but they all relate...

I come with a heavy heart asking for prayers for the Miriam Center. Specifically for 2 little ones who are sick and struggling. Walensky used to be in For Jonathan’s Sake our outreach Program and he was progressively getting worse and we took him into our Rou’s corner. He went from being able to walk and developing normally to slowly losing mobility to the point he can barely move on his on and now has trouble breathing. He has a sister who is younger who has now started down the same path. We believe they have some kind of genetic disorder but not sure what. Mom love them both so much. Everytime she brought the daughter in for For Jonathan’s Sake she would go see her son and make sure I remember that Walensky was her boy. Walensky took a turn for the worst 2 weeks ago. It is a miracle he is still here. He has been fighting hard and the whole time being loved on by the workers and mission staff. His mother went to visit family in PAP and has been unable to get back. Please pray for Walensky for peace and comfort and for God’s presence to be known as I know God is holding him right now. Pray for the mission staff as they take care of him and for their hearts as they are loving hard and holding him tight but knowing they will soon have to release him into God’s arms.





A few days after getting word about how sick Walensky was I got news that one of my outreach girls Solenjinnie had been brought into the mission with a 105.7 temperature and was not doing well. My heart was still breaking for the fact I was here and Walensky was there but now Solenjinnie to? I had the amazing opportunity to watch Solenjinnie’s mom learn to love her daughter and interact with her on a new level the 5 weeks I was in Haiti working with them. This was her mom’s only daughter and she loved her so much. Thank you for all your prayers for this little girl. She went to be with Jesus last week. Please pray for her mother as she mourns the loss of her only daughter, for her extended family, and for all those who took care of her while she was sick and loved on her. Pray for healing and that God would be at the center or this!



A few days after Solenjinnie passed away I got news that another one of my little boys from For Jonathan’s Sake was brought in with a fever and was very sick. The next day I found out just how sick he was. He had a black tongue, a blister that was covering his top lip, and they had no clue what he had. They said he had been like this for weeks. I know you are not to have favorites but this little boy and his mother were one of my favorites to work with in the outreach program. I watched his mothers eyes light up the first time she got her son to laugh. I watched her learn to interact and play with her son. His mom was one of my favorites to watch her face when I did devotions. To see her eyes light up to the truth of God’s word. My heart is breaking for Paul Frantz’s mother. I pray for comfort and peace for her in this time. I pray for wisdom for the doctors as we sent him to the hospital in La Pointe hoping they may be able to help him because we did not know how to help him at the mission. I pray for comfort and healing for little Paul Frantz body.





At this point I truly don’t know how much more I can take. I keep asking God…”God don’t you remember I was going to go to school to be a NICU nurse and decided to become an OT because I could not stand losing children….I was suppose to be safe in this position…” That is the conversation I had with God the other night…lol I am really struggling with the fact I am here and my children are there….I am struggling with the fact that I have to love them afar and what does that mean when I really want to be there holding them, rocking them, singing Jesus Loves them, and speaking truth to their parents. God’s plans are bigger than mine and his ways better than mine and I am trying to trust. Please pray for me as I am struggling with handing and surrendering everything over to God.

The last few weeks have been a struggle. I felt like a juggler trying to juggle about 10 heavy weights…is that possible…how long could I keep this up? Especially when some of the weights were ones I have never juggled before like moving across the country, preparing for and taking the national board exam, preparing for a job you have no idea what to expect, losing children you love in Haiti. Yesterday was one of those days where everything just seemed too much. You know…one of those days where when I loose my keys sends me to the floor crying…that’s right something so simple set me off. All day long on and off the tears came…I was more emotional than when I am PMSing. Yesterday I remember falling to my knees and telling God its too much! Too much change, Too much hardache, Too many things to get done…Just TOO MUCH!

I sat down last night and opened my Bible and read Psalm 145 and the footnote said
“Soemtimes our burdens seem more than we can bear, we wonder how we can go on. David stands at this bleak intersection on life’s road and points towards the Lord, the great burden bearer. God is able to lift us up because:
1. His greatness is unfathomable
2. He does mighty acts across many generations
3. He is full of glorious splendor and majesty
4. He does wonderful and awesome works
5. He is righteous
6. He is gracious, compassionate, loving, and patient
7. He rules over an everlasting kingdom
8. He is our source of all our daily needs
9. He is righteous and loving in all dealings
10. He remains near to those who call on him
11. He hears our cries and saves us
If your bending under the burden and feel that you are going to fall, turn to God for help. He is ready to lift you up and bear your burdens”

“Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you fill find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11.28-30
Footnote:
A yoke is a heavy wooden harness that fits over the shoulders of an ox or oxen. It is attached to apiece of equipment the oxen pulls…Jesus doesn’t offer a life of luxurious ease- the yoke is still an oxen’s tool for working hard, But it’s a shared yoke, with weight falling on bigger shoulders than yours. Someone with more pulling power is up front helping. Suddenly you are participating in life’s responsibilities with a greater partner.

Then God laid the following song on my heart to go listen too….

Everything Falls- by Fee
You said You’d never leave or forsake me
When You said this life is gonna shake me
You said this world is gonna bring trouble
On my soul, this I know

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You’re the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find You mighty and strong
You keep holding on, You keep holding on

When I see darkness all around me
When I see tragedy has found me
I still believe
Your faithful arms will never let me go
Still I know

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You’re the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find You mighty and strong
You keep holding on, You keep holding on

Sorrow will last for the night
But hope is rising with the sun
It’s rising with the sun
There will be storms in this life
But I know You have overcome
You have overcome

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You’re the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find You mighty and strong
You keep holding on

When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
You’re the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find You mighty and strong
You keep holding on, You keep holding on
This morning during breakfast I opened the book I have been ready, Living a Mary life in a Martha World the section I read was entitled “When bad things happen”
• We are given a promise “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away” Rev. 21:4 Because we live in this world, trapped in the old order of things, tragedy will touch our lives. That’s simply a fact- for Christians and non-christians alike. We will all lose loved ones. We will all eventually die.
• “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?....For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neighter angel or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:35, 28-39
• Trials are real. Bad things happen-to good people and bad people alike. And we who are Christians do not escape life, Paul says. We overcome life “in all these things we are more than conquerers through him who loved us.” Romans 8:37
• This promise anchors our all-too-shaky world to his unshakable kingdom. God’s love is that dependable anchor. The love Christ has for us is one we can cling to, because it will hold us threw anything. Though we may not understand God’s methods or why things are happening that doesn’t change God’s love.

I serve a Big God who is bigger than my pain, bigger than my confusion, bigger than my hurt and sorrow.
I serve the God who holds the world in his hands, is creator of all and who conquered sin and death.
I serve a God who intimate enough to wipe my tears, strong enough to carry my burdens, loving enough to hold me and whisper sweet truths and words of encouragement in my ears.
I serve a God fights for me when I am too weak and tired to fight and prays for me when I don’t know what to pray for
I serve a God who takes my broken, damaged, hurting heart and with great precision stitches it back together with his amazing love needles. Yes, you can still see the scars that are healing but my heart after meeting with my Abba is at least back together.
Will I still have to face all the weights I have been juggling…YES…BUT somehow in this moment they seem a little bit lighter…they seem bearable…Because I have a BIG GOD who is helping me carry them.

Thank you for all your prayers and support as I strive to follow GOd with my whole life!

My Future Plans

As many of you know my life lately has been full of change and transition and many unknowns including what my first job will be and where. I have been wrestling with God over this big decision for over a month now.

The week before leaving for Haiti I flew to Nevada for an interview at a school district out there. The interview went really well, the job was offered and I went into my Haiti trip praying about it and leaning towards this is what God was calling me to. What is better than being able to work with kids at a school district during the school year but still be able to be in Haiti in the summer working with my kids. Seemed like a perfect plan and God did open the door for this job opportunity.

Well, God shortly after arriving opened up the door and possibility of working with another mission organization call “No Boundaries International.” It would be an amazing opportunity to do what I love in Haiti on a global scale. I would move to Oklahoma where I would find a full time OT job to pay off my school loans loans. I would still be able to continue being the Miriam Center Occupational Therapy Coordinator and I would also be working for No Boundaries International to help develop what I have been doing in Haiti on a global scale. I would write articles to be published letting people know what is available for therapist and therapy students to do outside the US, I would help create videos to be sent to therapist and therapy schools educating them on what is available. I would also be helping develop a blueprint of what a rehab technician program looks like in a 3rd world country and developing a curriculum for it. I would be trying to set in place opportunities that therapy students can do their level 2 fieldworks in developing countries. Those are all things I would be helping with related to my field of practice but I would also be growing spiritually by going through missions training, growing spiritually in daily worship times, and serving in the inner city and globally with No Boundaries. I would be working with a group of people who are spiritual leaders and spiritual role models to me. I would be helping develop a new program called In Their Grasp which is a new program No Boundaries, Courtney and I have begun developing while in Haiti together.

After weeks of prayer and discerning God I have made a decision about my future for the next year. It has been the hardest decision of my life with much wrestling with God, tears being shed, conversations with Godly people, time in His word, as well as Him speaking to me threw His word, other people, Christian books, songs, and in his still small voice.

I had 2 amazing options that both had there perks. The decision was hard because both would take me out of my comfort zone, both would allow me to continue to pursue my passion for missions and continue working in Haiti, both would challenge me to go deeper in my faith. I kept going back and forth.
My 6 weeks in Haiti were instrumental in making my decision and preparing me to be in a place to make such a big decision. God really broke down a lot of barriers and walls I had put up and provided some pretty amazing people to walk me threw this process (THANK you to each and every one of you!). I can sit here tonight and tell you I am a very different person today than I was 6 weeks ago. I am much more aware of my weaknesses, my struggles, and my fears that hold me back from having a deeper relationship with God. I have seen God move more in the last 6 weeks and seen just HOW BIG OF A GOD I serve than I could have imagined.

One thing God really revealed to me was how prone I am to business and how I don’t know how to slow down a lot of time…or what that looks like. It is very hard for me to just rest in the Lord and take time away to do that. God has been revealing to me how integral that is for my walk with Him and for me to be able to serve. When I got home from Haiti I was drawn to the book “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha world.” It opened my eyes even more to the danger of busyness and how that looks in my life.

I came home from Haiti already with a broken and shattered heart for the fact I had to leave the place I love being the most in the entire world, the children I love, the work I love…to come home to so many unknowns, so many To-Do-Lists waiting for me, so many big decisions to make, and so many big life changes. NOW to continue to wrestle with this BIG Decision. I know the Dream God has given me, I know the path to it will not be easy. I know there will be twists and turns BUT I also know there is a lot for me to learn along the way. Sense being home busyness has already been a struggle…that mile long To-DO-List is always staring me down as I try to pray and sit at God’s feet. The burden of studying for my national board exam and the overwhelming amount of information to store away in my memory…as well as the idea of sitting threw a 4 hour test!

A sermon I always come back to with BIG decisions is one I heard a few years ago and it was given by Andy Stanley. He said every decision we make can be made by asking this question “What is the wise decision based on you past, based on your present, and based on your future hopes and dreams?” If the decision is not wise in all 3 then it is not a wise decision. Well, I have been asking myself this question for weeks now, comparing my 2 options and they both seemed wise…until I looked at them in the view of business….my struggle.

God revealed to me yesterday that it would be a real struggle for me to balance everything in Oklahoma right now. I would still be working as the OT coordinator for NWHCM, then working with No boundaries and on top of that having a full-time job. I struggle with balancing things as it is, and feeling guilty when I can’t poor 100% in everything I do. Selfishly I wanted to take the Job in Oklahoma. I was trying to figure out how it could work, I was alright with sacrificing a pediatric job for the opportunity to pursue missions more deeply. I could see myself growing in leaps and bounds in my faith working and serving with No Boundaries in Oklahoma. I know they would force me out of my comfort zone, teach me new things, and we would be able to do amazing things for God threw His power and leading.. BUT the more I prayed about it the more I heard Him say “Not now”… Really are you sure God because I can see how this could work, look at all we could do, it seems like the perfect time, all the pieces are falling into place, the doors are opening. Again “Not now”….Alright so what exactly does “Not now mean?” you are not to move to Oklahoma right now…. BUT you can work with them. “Trust me, my child. I have your ultimate good in mind”

In the book “Living a Mary life in a Martha World” I came to this paragraph
“What is it about us women that creates such a desperate need in us to always “know” to always “understand”? We want an itinerary for our life, and when God doesn’t immediately produce one, we set out to write our own. “I need to know” we tell ourselves. “No” God answers softly, “you need to trust” OK GOD I GOT IT….You are not going to give me every detail…I am not going to have everything in order before I make my decisions….the unknowns are ok. “Trust me, my child. I have your ultimate good in mind”

Over the last few weeks God revealed to me how even though He has called me to take the job in Nevada and he has opened so many doors there already and sent me confirmation even in the first few hours after making a decision. when I finally made the decision…in the back of my mind I was worried, what if I fail my boards, then I can’t take the job...well, God took that fear away when I found out in Nevada even if I fail I can still practice while I study to retake my test on a temp license. What a huge relief, I don’t have that extra pressure or stress. BUT there are still so many unknowns, so many things I just don’t know how they are going to work out…Fears….BUT I MUST TRUST…I must do what like Hebrews 11 says I will go BY FAITH.

Just as I began to settle in with the reality that I made a decision (because many of you know I don’t do that very often) and that I was moving across the country to Nevada…just as I felt like I was getting this Trust thing with God down…I received an email that the job in Nevada fell through. That the school district in Fallon no longer was going to hire an OT but wanted to hire a COTA because it would cost them less…BUT…God had already opened another door. A neighboring school district had a position open. BUT that job I would be the only full-time OTR in the district…”God I can’t do that, I am not qualified…I have never worked in a school-district…I don’t know the paperwork, how to write an IEP, how any of this stuff works….” FEAR began to grip me…I was overwhelmed…what do I do??? Finally I heard God saying STOP! MY CHILD STOP! I closed one door but opened another door…Yes, you are not qualified but who is qualified?...Do I not qualify the unqualified?” After spending sometime in prayer and talking to some family and friends I realized God closed the door in Fallon for a reason and opened the door in Douglas County Schools for a reason. I don’t know what they are but I know I serve a BIG God with bigger plans than I will ever know. A God who has gone before me to prepare the way for me…A God who will walk every step of the way with me…A God who has my ultimate good in mind.

“He knows the journey is difficult, He knows life is rarely fair. Jesus fought the same frigid winds of distraction, discouragement, and doubt that keeps us from knowing God’s love. But like the Father, he longs to gather us in his arms. He longs to trade the flimsy blankets of our one self-sufficiency for his all-sufficiency. The Lord Jesus invites us to cast our doubts, our fears and anxiety upon him, to discover how much he really does care. Trust me, my child, he whispers. I have your ultimate good in mind.”

Trying to Trust GOD! Hear his whispers…Cast my cares upon Him, lay my fears at his feet, Trust the unknowns to Him and RUN HARD this path he has opened up. I am excited to see what the next year brings, how I grow, where I go, what he teaches me, who I can serve. Thank you guys for all your prayers and support as I sought God to make a decision.
My analogy for life has been life is a dance and God is constantly teaching us new steps to dance with Him. Not only am I getting ready to learn tons of new dance steps but I am also going to a new “unfamiliar stage”…The audience is all new (what a huge responsibility to shine God’s love)…My support system is not sitting in the audience but instead they are sending flowers, encouragement letters, and prayers from afar. I know they wish they could be here. I also know that my dance instructor never leaves me that I can always look to Him if I get nervous, if I get scared. If I mess up I know He will be there to gently correct me, to show me my mistake and walk with me threw it. He is willing to work with me for hours till I get each step down…And just as I perfect that dance…well, I know He is eager and waiting to teach me a new one! My BIG GOD also LOVES to DANCE A LOT! I have the best dance partner ever.

2 songs that really spoke to me yesterday….

Unbreakable- Fireflight
Where are the people that accused me?
The ones who beat me down and bruised me
They hide just out of sight, can?t face me in the light
They?ll return but I?ll be stronger

God I want to dream again, take me where I?ve never been
I wanna go there, this time I?m not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it?s unmistakable
No one can touch me, nothing can stop me

Sometimes it's hard to just keep going
But faith is moving without knowing
Can I trust what I can?t see to reach my destiny?
I want to take control but I know better
God I want to dream again, take me where I?ve never been
I wanna go there, this time I?m not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it?s unmistakable
No one can touch me, nothing can stop me

Forget the fear it?s just a crutch
That tries to hold you back
And turn your dreams to dust
All you need to do is just trust
God I want to dream again, take me where I?ve never been
I wanna go there, this time I?m not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it?s unmistakable
No one can touch me, nothing can stop me

God I want to dream again, take me where I?ve never been
I wanna go there, this time I?m not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it?s unmistakable
No one can touch me, nothing can stop me

I’m Letting Ago- Franscesca Batistelli
My heart beats, standing on the edge
But my feet have finally left the ledge
Like an acrobat
There’s no turning back
Chorus
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go
This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace
The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone
Chorus
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing control
Of my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go
Giving in to your gravity
Knowing You are holding me
I’m not afraid
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
Feels like I’m falling and this is the life for me


Thank you for your prayers and support and for joining in my dance of life! Please keep me in your prayers as I continue to try to Trust…as I study for my boards and take them July 23rd…and as I prepare to move to Nevada the last weekend in July! A LOT of change occurring but focusing on my BIG GOD who NEVER CHANGES!

Pictures from Nevada where I will be living :)

My Last Night :(

My last night I had a blast with the kids. I went down after dinner and we played hard for about 4 hours.
1. pulled out playdough and all the fun accessories. We played for a good hour. One of my favorite moments was when I smashed playdough on John’s freshly shaven head and began rolling it with the rolling pin. All the boys thought it was the funniest thing and so I had to do it with all of them.
2. We then read a few books and worked on our sign language and counting.
3. I blew bubbles for them to pop
4. We had a snack (treat) of popcorn
5. We then made paper bag puppets
6. opened glow sticks and turned the lights off sat in a circle and sang Children’s Bible Song. I started out doing songs I knew the sign language to and taught them to the kids like Jesus loves me and Our God is an awesome God. Courtney joined us partway threw and sang for a good 40 minutes and did all kinds of songs with motions and without. We had a blast.
7. We had picture time and I got pictures with all the kids.

I have to admit playing hard, loving tons my last night really helped bring closure to my trip. I would have to say last night was the best quality time I got to spend with the kids my entire trip.

I purposefully did not tell the kids I was leaving because I knew they would get upset. I think some of them knew but I kissed them all goodnight, we said our I love you and I walked out. I made it out of the center before I broke down. My heart hurt so bad! I had 28 very good reasons to stay. I had 28 smiling faces I WANT to wake up to. I have 30 other reasons in my outreach program why I want to stay. It is hard to leave something you have poured your heart and soul into…to leave family and not know when you will see them again. It is hard to leave and head back home to so many unknowns and hard decisions. So please pray for me as I try to make the transition from having a specific God-centered, God-fufilling purpose to going home to confusion, questions, decisions, and searching for God’s plan and purpose for sending me home.