The Battle to Trust God…In ALL Things

So the past 2 days have been extremely challenging on so many levels. As many of you know from my previous blogs that a little over a month ago God took away almost everything I had worked 7 months to plan for Haiti & revealed to me a new vision for the summer. It was extremely hard to surrender to His new will & about a week and a half ago I had finally accepted & was excited for what God had in store…He really revealed to me His heart for the For Jonathan’s Sake Parent’s and How it was through His names which reveal His character that I was going to be able to change the way they view their children & eventually change to view of disabled children in Haiti. I had already 3 weeks of Bible Study, had the folders bought & brought into Haiti to do give each parent an individualized treatment plan and had already planned on taking pictures of each child and giving each family a key chain with the picture & the main scripture…I manage to pull everything together in 3 weeks & had a new plan…God’s plan…So I thought.

When I arrived in Haiti a few of my kids were sick with chicken pocs…I felt horrible because they were miserable and there was nothing I could do…I wanted to help…I wanted to make them better…I wanted to make them smile…BUT I couldn’t  They have been spreading and now 10 kids have them. I was not going to let this stop my…I was still full force preparing for For Jonathan’s Sake. Thank goodness God has placed Courtney in Director roll because she quickly reminded me how dangerous chicken pocks can be for children with compromised immune systems and made the executive decision to cancel all programming at the Miriam center till beginning of July to make sure we limit the spread. I totally agree with her decision but my heart doesn’t…WHAT…WHAT about YOUR plans God…What about your vision for FSJ? I know I heard from God but WHY…Why would He give me this vision…provide all the resources to fulfill it & then take it away again!?!

All day yesterday I struggled…I struggled with the fact I didn’t know what God had for me this summer, I struggled with the fact I was helpless to help my kids…I busied myself in the morning cleaning the Luke 2:52 School…organizing it…and deciding we needed a table so pulling out the new power tools and with the help of Naham & Presidue, we created built an awesome table. The afternoon I worked on going through Miriam Center charts, teaching Naham how to do the evaluation form and teaching him vocabulary, etc. I kept busy…that is not a problem…There is always tons to get done…but just had a heavy heart and a pounding headache.

At devotions after dinner I was reminded that God does not expect us to change the world…He does not call us to Heal…He does not expect us to do it all…He only calls us to TRUST HIM…Scripture tells us He holds us in the palm of His hands…He has perfect plans for us…He sees the Big picture…He sees the past, present, & future. He is Jehova-Rapha the Healer, He is the comforter…He is El Roi…The God who sees. I was reminded that I was not going to change the For Jonathan’s Sake parents heart even if I wrote & gave the most wonderful Bible Study…Only GOD CAN CHANGE them. I could not Heal my kids not even if I had the best medicine available…Only The Great Physician can do that….God really broke through to me & told me I needed to LET GO…LET GOD…and TRUST HIM.

“For your thoughts are not my thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than yours.” Isaiah 55:8-9

After Bible Study I went to ask Heather Owens a question about if we should inform teams about the chicken Pock’s outbreak incase some of them have never had them before. That conversation turned into an hour long conversation as I broke down & began to cry. Then God gave me the opportunity to share the vision He gave me for FSJ & the Bible study…which lead to going all the way to the beginning & the journey to now. I was reminded of just how GOOD God is & how faithful He is. He has always provided me exactly what I needed to walk in His will, He has always given me encouragement, wisdom, strength, love, etc. to do what I do. He has opened so many doors, given me so many opportunities to share just how amazing He is through what I do in Haiti. He reminded me that everytime He has asked me to surrender my dreams to Him…It is because He has something bigger & better.

So I sit here tonight I am excited to see what God has in store. God has given me back part of my original plan. I am currently typing up Miriam Home evaluations (which another OT performed in April using my new evaluation forms) and developing individualized treatment plans for each child with pictures. I am also training Naham to do the therapy. God has truly blessed me a wonderful therapist to train for these children. Naham has blown me away by the knowledge base he came with & his eagerness to learn. He called me his professor (which I quickly asked him not to call me that…I don’t deserve that title) and has asked for homework multiple times. He is so good with the kids & has a heart that is and will continue to change these children’s lives through his willingness & eagerness to help. I can already see a glimpse of God’s plan. If He did not post-pone FSJ till July I would not have had time to do anything with Miriam Home & not nearly as in depth training & quality time with Naham.

I expect God to do great things this summer. I have Faith that His plans are so much greater than mine. Now I will wait patiently on His timing & do my best to walk each day down the path He has for me this day.

The following song is my prayer…

Where you go I’ll go,
Where you stay I’ll stay
When you move, I’ll move
I will follow you
All your ways are good
All your ways are sure
I will trust in you alone
Higher than my side
High above my life
I will trust in you alone
Where you go I’ll go,
Where you stay I’ll stay
When you move, I’ll move
I will follow you
Who you love, I’ll love
How you serve, I’ll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow you
Light unto this world
Light unto my life
I will love for you alone
You’re the one I seek
Knowing I will find
All I need in you alone
In you alone
Where you stay I’ll stay
When you move, I’ll move
I will follow you
Who you love, I’ll love
How you serve, I’ll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow you
In you, their’s life everlasting
In you, there’s freedom for my soul
In you, their joy, unending joy
And I will follow you

The prayer of my heart is that I would be willing to follow God wherever He takes me…That I would have a servants heart…that I would see & believe in the depth of my heart that true Joy & freedom comes when I surrender my entire life & all my plans & trade them in for His.

Our God is an AWSOME God He Reigns from Heaven above with WISDOM…POWER…and LOVE our God is an AWSOME God!!!!

Highlights from the past 2 days….
1.Building the table for the Luke 2:52 School
2.Finding out that evaluations have been done on all the Miriam home kids so I for once get to focus on treatment planning
3.Walden has learned to say my name…and won’t stop. He says it “AU-TUM” and wait for me to say “WALDEN” and then laugh & laugh…I will walk to another room & hear him yell my name. It melts my heart everytime & I am so proud of him. He wants to talk so bad & babbles constantly. I know some day that boy will talk.
4.Den-Den is healing & definitely feeling better. I walked in today to find him holding a vibe critter with a huge smile…this afternoon he stood listening to the worship service for over an hour smiling and working on strengthening His muscles
5.Owens & I had quality time today going for a walk (well he rode in his wheelchair) then stopping by my room for quality IPAD time…I just love his laugh & how his whole body shakes.
6.My time with Naham & being able to share my knowledge and teach him hands on techniques for T-willy, Job, and Gildene today. T-willy when we were finished working with him for about an hour was willing to let other hold his spastic hand and tried crawling :-) Gildine loved the vibration & couldn’t stop laughing & smiling as we worked on strengthening her core. So many priceless moments happened with these kids
7.Seeing the encouragement God has brought me through His word & placing the right people in the right place at the right time to share encouragement with me.

Please continue to pray that I would daily be able to surrender to God. That I would trust Him wholeheartedly with my life & my time here. That I would grow in my love for Him & my understanding of His love for me. That I would remember that God does not care what I do here in Haiti…all He cares about is if I love Him & accept His love for me. Pray that the kids would continue to heal & that the chicken pock’s would stop spreading. Pray for my training with Naham that God would give me wisdom on what to teach & when to teach it. Pray that I would hear from God daily & make daily time to spend quality time with God.

Thank you for all your prayers & support as I serve God here in Haiti!

Some Scripture God used to speak to me

" When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:1,2

" I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." Psalm 32:8

" I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them, I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16

" God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1